I have often heard, and even said, "it's the way I am." To some degree that is true. We each have our own ways of being that have grown out of our genetics, upbringing, lifestyle, etc. The difference between that and what I am addressing is one of will or choice. While it is questionable that I can change my genetics (give it 50 years and that may be possible), I can change how I express who I am in the world.
All of your life experiences have culminated in the person you see in the mirror. However, we have the option each day to reinvent ourselves. Through further experiences we learn to appear differently and even to change in fundamental ways. The words, "It's the way I am" are really a way of saying that I do not choose to be any other way than I am now.
I know very clearly that change is difficult, not only on the individual but also on the people who make up their close family and associates. And, of course, change can be for the better or the worse. Those words are usually spoken with regard to some trait that is seen in a negative light. It's not one hears them about a positive attribute.
So, the question is one of the choices we as individual human beings with free will make. It is easy to continue in patterns we have built over the years. And there are new horizons to be explored if we are willing to let go of the stubborn clinging to past ways of being and acting and move forward.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
News Article on 9 Year Old's Gender Transition
I was reading the AOL news and saw this article on a 9 year old British boy who returned to school this fall as a girl. One of the things I found interesting was that the article referred to "Gender Identity Disorder". I realize that this is considered a psychological disorder according to the ICD 9. However, is it really psychological? Perhaps it's a physical disorder (if it's a disorder at all). After all, who is to say that the issue is the physical shell into which a particular psyche or soul has been born. The concept of Gender Identity Disorder assumes the physical body is correct and there's something wrong with the mind. What if it's like being born with any other physical defect and the body does not conform to the mind or soul of the individual?
I was also shocked by some of the responses. One basically said that the parents should be put in jail for allowing this. Really? So the parent is working with his/her child to rectify a mistake, whether it is physical or psychological and allow the child to live a life that is more happy and comfortable. If that's the case, then I guess a hundred years ago (and, of course, further back) parents of left handed children should have been jailed for allowing their child to be who they were.
I'm happy for people whose bodies and minds/souls match. And they are the majority, apparently. However, for those whose physical form and mind or soul are out of sync, why should they suffer? Especially when they can be treated and live in the gender that suits them and that this has been occurring since there were human beings.
Look at the history of transgender and a person will realize that people who do not fit their bodies have been around forever. Asian and Native American cultures have accepted this for centuries if not millenia. Why is it such an issue here?
Perhaps people should ponder any ways in which they differ from the norm and think about how their lives would be if they were treated as pariahs because of that fact. Whether it's height or weight or IQ, etc. everyone has differences. That's what makes life interesting.
Here is a link to the article for however long it is still available: http://www.aolhealth.com/health/9-year-old-gender-transition?icid=main|aimzones|dl3|link4|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.aolhealth.com%2Fhealth%2F9-year-old-gender-transition
I was also shocked by some of the responses. One basically said that the parents should be put in jail for allowing this. Really? So the parent is working with his/her child to rectify a mistake, whether it is physical or psychological and allow the child to live a life that is more happy and comfortable. If that's the case, then I guess a hundred years ago (and, of course, further back) parents of left handed children should have been jailed for allowing their child to be who they were.
I'm happy for people whose bodies and minds/souls match. And they are the majority, apparently. However, for those whose physical form and mind or soul are out of sync, why should they suffer? Especially when they can be treated and live in the gender that suits them and that this has been occurring since there were human beings.
Look at the history of transgender and a person will realize that people who do not fit their bodies have been around forever. Asian and Native American cultures have accepted this for centuries if not millenia. Why is it such an issue here?
Perhaps people should ponder any ways in which they differ from the norm and think about how their lives would be if they were treated as pariahs because of that fact. Whether it's height or weight or IQ, etc. everyone has differences. That's what makes life interesting.
Here is a link to the article for however long it is still available: http://www.aolhealth.com/health/9-year-old-gender-transition?icid=main|aimzones|dl3|link4|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.aolhealth.com%2Fhealth%2F9-year-old-gender-transition
Monday, September 21, 2009
Gender
I was just looking at my profile for this blog site. It seems I have 3 choices for gender: male, female or not specified. Hmmm . . .
What does that say about the black and white idea of the world here? Personally, I am aware, not believe but am aware, that gender is not a duality, it is a continuum. A person can be on either end of the spectrum, or he/she can be somewhere along that line.
Why should it matter unless I intend to have children with that person and I need to know that their physiology is compatible for the purpose? I mean really, why do people need to know the gender of the other person? And even more interesting, do we really ever know?
If I meet a person who appears to be one or the other of the socially acceptable genders do I really know that he/she is what he/she appears to be? And a large part of that is "what do I expect about a specific gender?". Do I define it by physical body? What of those whose bodies do not conform to one or the other? And what of those whose physical parts don't match who is residing inside that physical shell?
Spend a few minutes thinking about whether the next person you meet is who he/she appears to be. And if not, so what?
What does that say about the black and white idea of the world here? Personally, I am aware, not believe but am aware, that gender is not a duality, it is a continuum. A person can be on either end of the spectrum, or he/she can be somewhere along that line.
Why should it matter unless I intend to have children with that person and I need to know that their physiology is compatible for the purpose? I mean really, why do people need to know the gender of the other person? And even more interesting, do we really ever know?
If I meet a person who appears to be one or the other of the socially acceptable genders do I really know that he/she is what he/she appears to be? And a large part of that is "what do I expect about a specific gender?". Do I define it by physical body? What of those whose bodies do not conform to one or the other? And what of those whose physical parts don't match who is residing inside that physical shell?
Spend a few minutes thinking about whether the next person you meet is who he/she appears to be. And if not, so what?
One Step Forward
It seems to be the case that taking a step forward is one of the most difficult things to do. Continuing once that first step has been taken is a bit easier, but actually lifting the foot (metaphorically speaking) and moving it ahead, there's the sticking point.
So many things hold us in place. I find excuses all the time, "I don't have the time", "I don't have the money", "I'm too old", etc. And yet I'll never get younger. If I don't move forward I'll soon be older but still in the same place. What's the point in that? Unless I'm in the place I want to be for the rest of my life, and how many of us can say that, I know I need to move.
That leaves choices. How do I move, where do I move? It's interesting to note that when I freely dream of moving forward I can see places I'd like to go or be. Then the lens of "reality" intrudes and the excuses come fast and furious.
The best way to overcome this sense of stuckness is to decide that today I will take one step. It's doesn't have to be an Neil Armstrong step, just a baby step will do. The momentum from that step will spur you onward.
So many things hold us in place. I find excuses all the time, "I don't have the time", "I don't have the money", "I'm too old", etc. And yet I'll never get younger. If I don't move forward I'll soon be older but still in the same place. What's the point in that? Unless I'm in the place I want to be for the rest of my life, and how many of us can say that, I know I need to move.
That leaves choices. How do I move, where do I move? It's interesting to note that when I freely dream of moving forward I can see places I'd like to go or be. Then the lens of "reality" intrudes and the excuses come fast and furious.
The best way to overcome this sense of stuckness is to decide that today I will take one step. It's doesn't have to be an Neil Armstrong step, just a baby step will do. The momentum from that step will spur you onward.
Friday, September 18, 2009
The Phoenix
I ran across the image of the Phoenix in a book I'm reading and it sparked some thoughts about transformation and rebirth. The visual image I have is from the Harry Potter movie when Fawkes, Dumbledore's phoenix, falls off his perch and immolates. It was an interesting image to see him turn into a pile of ashes.
Life transformations can seem the same way. The old life goes up in flames and a new one is reborn. I think this is true whether it is in regards to a relationship, job or overall transformation. Life as we knew it has changed. Sometimes it is as if the old life was destroyed, other times it is just readjusted.
I think the phoenix image is great because it does show that new life is born from the old one. It isn't just an ending, it is a new beginning. I am very aware that it can be very difficult to see from the seat the person is sitting in at the time. So, perhaps when life changes occur it is time to take a higher view and scan the total landscape rather than just the view from our limited position.
Having made a huge transition in life, I can state that there are pros and cons. It's safer to remain stagnant. But does safety really benenfit in the long run? I, for one would rather go through the fire of transformation than live safely and at the end of my life have huge doubts and regrets.
Change how you think and you can change your life!
Life transformations can seem the same way. The old life goes up in flames and a new one is reborn. I think this is true whether it is in regards to a relationship, job or overall transformation. Life as we knew it has changed. Sometimes it is as if the old life was destroyed, other times it is just readjusted.
I think the phoenix image is great because it does show that new life is born from the old one. It isn't just an ending, it is a new beginning. I am very aware that it can be very difficult to see from the seat the person is sitting in at the time. So, perhaps when life changes occur it is time to take a higher view and scan the total landscape rather than just the view from our limited position.
Having made a huge transition in life, I can state that there are pros and cons. It's safer to remain stagnant. But does safety really benenfit in the long run? I, for one would rather go through the fire of transformation than live safely and at the end of my life have huge doubts and regrets.
Change how you think and you can change your life!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Short-Term vs Long-Term
I was pondering the difficulty of working for the long term when short-term benefits seem to get in the way. By example, I am working on my weight (again) and this morning I had a choice between a high carb breakfast or a high protein breakfast. Now, if I'm taking the long view I choose the high protein breakfast (I did), however the short-term benefit of the taste of the much more delicious high carb breakfast was eating away at me (no pun intended).
This is a lot like most of our lives. We struggle between the short-term rewards and the long-term goals. Whether it's money, food, a job or a relationship (or any other aspect of life) it is very easy to succumb to the lure of the short-term reward. I feel good NOW by doing this versus taking a longer view and reaping a much greater benefit in the future. I know this is a difficulty for me. I'm sure it is for many.
So, the question is whether or not to withstand the short-term deprivation to foster the long-term goal. Some days I do, some I don't. I figure that if there are more days when I do, I'm ahead of the game.
As I see it, long-term goals tend to move my life in the direction I want to go while the short-term reward feels good in the moment but prolongs or even prevents achieving the long-term goal.
My advice? Take an extra couple of minutes to ponder the cost/benefit ratio before making the decision and hopefully you will make the choice that leads to long-term success.
This is a lot like most of our lives. We struggle between the short-term rewards and the long-term goals. Whether it's money, food, a job or a relationship (or any other aspect of life) it is very easy to succumb to the lure of the short-term reward. I feel good NOW by doing this versus taking a longer view and reaping a much greater benefit in the future. I know this is a difficulty for me. I'm sure it is for many.
So, the question is whether or not to withstand the short-term deprivation to foster the long-term goal. Some days I do, some I don't. I figure that if there are more days when I do, I'm ahead of the game.
As I see it, long-term goals tend to move my life in the direction I want to go while the short-term reward feels good in the moment but prolongs or even prevents achieving the long-term goal.
My advice? Take an extra couple of minutes to ponder the cost/benefit ratio before making the decision and hopefully you will make the choice that leads to long-term success.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Believe in Yourself
Are you kidding? It is much easier to believe in someone else and allow that person or institution to handle aspects of your life. However, believing in yourself is the way to make life work the way you envision.
Remember when you were young and had a good number of ideas about who and what you would like to be? Many people had dreams and day dreams about excelling in sports or music or any other pursuit. What happened to those dreams? Too often life interfered with them, either through the necessities or perceived necessities of making a living and/or supporting others.
Dream big and believe in those dreams. Yes, you have the capacity to live up to those dreams as long as you are willing to believe in yourself.
I can hear the responses now: “I’m too old.” Or “I have to take care of my job, family, and/or business.” Possibly it’s “I’m not a kid anymore, I can’t just do what I’d like to do.” All of these are the very foundation of why you have not made the strides you wish you had.
Take a deep breath and dive into the pool. Be willing to allow yourself to allocate some of your resources to becoming the person you want to be. These can be time, money or just a willingness to be yourself and let the critics be ignored.
Remember when you were young and had a good number of ideas about who and what you would like to be? Many people had dreams and day dreams about excelling in sports or music or any other pursuit. What happened to those dreams? Too often life interfered with them, either through the necessities or perceived necessities of making a living and/or supporting others.
Dream big and believe in those dreams. Yes, you have the capacity to live up to those dreams as long as you are willing to believe in yourself.
I can hear the responses now: “I’m too old.” Or “I have to take care of my job, family, and/or business.” Possibly it’s “I’m not a kid anymore, I can’t just do what I’d like to do.” All of these are the very foundation of why you have not made the strides you wish you had.
Take a deep breath and dive into the pool. Be willing to allow yourself to allocate some of your resources to becoming the person you want to be. These can be time, money or just a willingness to be yourself and let the critics be ignored.
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