There are 6 basic human needs. It is generally understood that 4 of these are base needs and the last 2 are considered spiritual needs. Every human being is driven by two of these as the most important in his/her life.
The six are:
Certainty - stability, knowledge that their basic survival needs will be met. Also that there are things a person can count on in their daily lives.
Variety or uncertainty - having things be different, change. This is a very important need and it can conflict with the need for certainty, creating a certain tension for the individual.
Significance - everyone needs to feel important and noticed by others. It can be done in a positive way by doing something that is deserving of and receives notice in the eyes of others. On the other hand, if the person feels he or she cannot gain significance in a positive way, they might choose to gain it by expounding on the enormity of their problems and their own helplessness. This is akin to the child who only gains attention from adults by acting out, any attention is better than no attention.
Love and connection - the need to feel loved or connected to others or even themselves. This might also come in the form of a spiritual connection.
The 2 spiritual needs are:
Growth - it has been said that that which is not growing is dying. This is, in a sense, very true. Gaining new knowledge or skill is one way to growth. There are many paths to personal growth, most human beings realize the need for it, even if it is subconsciously.
Contribution - this has a bit of an overlap with significance. People want to contribute, to make the world a better place or help others. Survival and advancement of humankind depends on contribution. And, of course, the person can gain significance through his or her contribution.
The question is which of thse are the driving forces in your life? And are you even aware of which hold the highest importance?
Pondering on these questions can lead to some very positive results. Greater self knowledge can drive your quest for excellence and happiness in life.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Transformation in Process
It has been a while since I have posted here. I have allowed my life to move forward at its own pace without much input from me. I have a routine and it continues day-to-day without much change.
Ah-Ha! This is where the rubber meets the road. Allowing myself to coast through my life does not bring me to where I want to go. It is like setting out on a trip with some vague idea of a destination but no map or plan. How well would you do getting to your imagined destination? Not very well as far as I can tell. Meandering around does not create a successful journey if there it truly a destination.
Unfortunately, I have either allowed myself to meander or to jump too quickly into the ocean. I don't do moderation too well, nor do I do contemplation with a lot of grace.
What I do know, however, is that I cannot continue to go slowly nowhere. I must seize the reins and create the direction of my life and my own transformation. Easier said than done!
I am in the middle of defining my mission in life. As Richard Bach once stated, the way to tell if your mission in this life is complete is to ask if you're still alive, if you are, it isn't! (Not a direct quote, my own interpretation.)
I am undertaking the hardest part of my journey now, contemplating exactly where I want to go and how to get there. No, I'm not planning a trip, except the one through my own life. The interesting part is figuring out where I want to be and then the steps to getting there.
Can I do it without just jumping in and hoping I can swim and avoid the sharks?
Stay tuned and find out!
Ah-Ha! This is where the rubber meets the road. Allowing myself to coast through my life does not bring me to where I want to go. It is like setting out on a trip with some vague idea of a destination but no map or plan. How well would you do getting to your imagined destination? Not very well as far as I can tell. Meandering around does not create a successful journey if there it truly a destination.
Unfortunately, I have either allowed myself to meander or to jump too quickly into the ocean. I don't do moderation too well, nor do I do contemplation with a lot of grace.
What I do know, however, is that I cannot continue to go slowly nowhere. I must seize the reins and create the direction of my life and my own transformation. Easier said than done!
I am in the middle of defining my mission in life. As Richard Bach once stated, the way to tell if your mission in this life is complete is to ask if you're still alive, if you are, it isn't! (Not a direct quote, my own interpretation.)
I am undertaking the hardest part of my journey now, contemplating exactly where I want to go and how to get there. No, I'm not planning a trip, except the one through my own life. The interesting part is figuring out where I want to be and then the steps to getting there.
Can I do it without just jumping in and hoping I can swim and avoid the sharks?
Stay tuned and find out!
Friday, January 29, 2010
Moving Forward
I have found that one of the hardest things to do is to deliberately move forward. Too often I, and others I know, tend to allow life to move along without much input or effort on my part. Obviously time moves on. The question is what do we as conscious beings do with that movement?
I can choose to take some of that time and decide what my goals and path should be or I can just let the time pass. I've often heard from people that they are too old to do something. The idea is that in 5 years I will be 50 or 65 or whatever so I'm too old to do that. However, whether one does it or not he or she will still be that age in 5 years.
My point is that time moves forward. I am choosing to make that movement deliberate on my part and do something rather than let the time move on without accomplishing anything.
I have already made huge changes in my life. Change is inevitable, therefore I should be in charge of that change, not let it happen totally randomly.
I can choose to take some of that time and decide what my goals and path should be or I can just let the time pass. I've often heard from people that they are too old to do something. The idea is that in 5 years I will be 50 or 65 or whatever so I'm too old to do that. However, whether one does it or not he or she will still be that age in 5 years.
My point is that time moves forward. I am choosing to make that movement deliberate on my part and do something rather than let the time move on without accomplishing anything.
I have already made huge changes in my life. Change is inevitable, therefore I should be in charge of that change, not let it happen totally randomly.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
The Verb
“I live on Earth at present, and I don’t know what I am. I know that I am not a category. I am not a thing — a noun. I seem to be a verb, an evolutionary process — an integral function of the Universe.” – R. Buckminster Fuller
My experience has been that most people, myself included, identify themselves as a noun. I am an acupuncturist, I am a parent, etc. If I look more closely however, no one is just those nouns, they are all evolving. As such each person should identify as a verb and that verb is constantly changing.
For example, I might be thinking or writing one day. On another day I might be walking, exercising, or driving. It is the motion of the person that truly explains who he or she is at any given moment. Taking the focus off the noun allows the person to evolve.
There is much truth to the statement that a person becomes labeled and has a very difficult time removing that label as he goes through life. Whether the label is positive or negative, it not only defines the person, it limits him. Let’s say someone is labeled “doctor”. Now his existence is defined by his role as a doctor. Do you ever see your doctor at the grocery store or the movies? Doesn’t it seem odd to see that person in the different setting? It is as if that person is supposed to exist only in the setting of his office or the hospital. I know children find it very odd to encounter their teacher outside of the school.
This labeling is especially destructive when the person is labeled in such a way that there are negative connotations to the label. For example: klutz. Not only is the person seen by others in this way, he begins to see himself as the label as well. This limits his ability to see himself as someone who is coordinated so his experience reinforces his perception.
My mother saw herself as stupid. This label was given by her older sister and reinforced by her lack of formal education. Because she saw herself as stupid she wasn’t willing to do anything that involved education or knowledge. She had an opportunity to go to secretarial training but refused citing the fact that she wasn’t smart enough. Her life was defined by this label that was as clearly stuck on her as a name tag at a convention. Sibling rivalry defined who she not only saw herself as but who she became.
In acupuncture school we were taught not to label people. I see it as much more important in having the person not label himself as having the acupuncturist not label him. Most people use a label as a type of shorthand to explain themselves. It’s much easier to say “I’m a lawyer” than to explain what one does. Herein lies the rub, by taking the easy way through this each person limits himself and chooses to box himself in.
Instead each person should be a verb. The verb is constantly changing. You could be seeking, running, deciding, marching, etc. and this will change throughout the day as well as from day to day. This way you are a being of evolution.
What’s your verb right now?
My experience has been that most people, myself included, identify themselves as a noun. I am an acupuncturist, I am a parent, etc. If I look more closely however, no one is just those nouns, they are all evolving. As such each person should identify as a verb and that verb is constantly changing.
For example, I might be thinking or writing one day. On another day I might be walking, exercising, or driving. It is the motion of the person that truly explains who he or she is at any given moment. Taking the focus off the noun allows the person to evolve.
There is much truth to the statement that a person becomes labeled and has a very difficult time removing that label as he goes through life. Whether the label is positive or negative, it not only defines the person, it limits him. Let’s say someone is labeled “doctor”. Now his existence is defined by his role as a doctor. Do you ever see your doctor at the grocery store or the movies? Doesn’t it seem odd to see that person in the different setting? It is as if that person is supposed to exist only in the setting of his office or the hospital. I know children find it very odd to encounter their teacher outside of the school.
This labeling is especially destructive when the person is labeled in such a way that there are negative connotations to the label. For example: klutz. Not only is the person seen by others in this way, he begins to see himself as the label as well. This limits his ability to see himself as someone who is coordinated so his experience reinforces his perception.
My mother saw herself as stupid. This label was given by her older sister and reinforced by her lack of formal education. Because she saw herself as stupid she wasn’t willing to do anything that involved education or knowledge. She had an opportunity to go to secretarial training but refused citing the fact that she wasn’t smart enough. Her life was defined by this label that was as clearly stuck on her as a name tag at a convention. Sibling rivalry defined who she not only saw herself as but who she became.
In acupuncture school we were taught not to label people. I see it as much more important in having the person not label himself as having the acupuncturist not label him. Most people use a label as a type of shorthand to explain themselves. It’s much easier to say “I’m a lawyer” than to explain what one does. Herein lies the rub, by taking the easy way through this each person limits himself and chooses to box himself in.
Instead each person should be a verb. The verb is constantly changing. You could be seeking, running, deciding, marching, etc. and this will change throughout the day as well as from day to day. This way you are a being of evolution.
What’s your verb right now?
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Metal, the Fifth Element
Is this despair or divine inspiration? This element has a lot of bad press from the acupuncture community. The association with grief and loss tends to put people off from really confronting what metal is all about. The sense of steadiness in oneself and of connection with the divine in the world makes it worthwhile.
It is the embodiment of the gift of the sensuous. Unlike fire which is about connection with others, metal is about connection with self and with the divine in all of us. It is about carnality, about the beast inside of each us. The P’o, the essential spirit of the metal element is all about carnal or sensual connection with oneself. Of course sex can be part of this connection, but for the most part it’s really about the experiences of the senses. Touch, taste, smell, sight, sound all interact with one another to create a picture of the universe.
The golden, flame-colored leaves in autumn are a gift to the senses and highlight what metal teaches. Walking through a copse of trees in late autumn is a joy to the senses. The brilliant colors mixed with the browns of the trunks and the dead leaves lining the path delight the eye. Each step heightens the sense of touch, even in shoes the feel of leaves crunching underfoot is a delight. The sound of the crack of dry twigs and crunch of leaves is music. The musty smell lingers on the back of the throat and provides the taste of decaying leaves. The crisp, cool air sends goosebumps along the skin, tingling and making me aware of being alive.
This is the most alive time of year. The knowledge that death is all around us creates a consciousness of life and the blessings it holds. As I walk in the cemetery on an October morning to visit the grave of my son, I notice the leaves as they dance from the trees to the ground. Even the trees must let go of that which they created and bore forth as life. I pass the large headstones and reflect on the lives of the adults who now repose below the cold earth. Nearing the area I seek, I see the possibility of agony. The headstones are tiny, many bearing only one date, the baby section. Do I wail and scream or do I realize that the divine spark in each of these tiny bodies was too great to be contained in the shell of human frailty? What connection do I choose?
Metal is about choice. Every day there is the choice to live or to die. It may be more apparent to someone who lives in this element as their home base, but it exists for all of us. Do I rise, face the world knowing that this fragile shell of humanity is not enough protection for the divine light within, or do I remain huddled in the warmth of the covers and shut out the imperfections of the world? Choice looms every morning, every evening. Do I decide to face one more day or do I choose to reunite with my true nature outside the body? Life or death, it is stark reality and a conscious choice.
I think the P’o is the nature of the metal element because it’s all that links us to this human form. Connection to the senses is what tempts us to remain within this fragile shell of life. Others ask “is there a God?” Those who dwell in this element do not need the questions, the answers are etched on our souls. For us, the question is, “How can I remain separated from the rest of my divine light for yet another day or year?” The presence of the divine is intuitive or experienced directly through that link the goes upward to God and downward through the earth and out the other side. I am the universe and shall always remain so, the sensuous is all that keeps me tied to this realm.
Touch, a sense that is directly experienced by so many so casually. For me, touch is the door to my soul. I hold back because the value of the connection to my soul is too great to allow it to be casually experienced. Touch me deeply and my soul sings, yet my life experience is not available for just anyone. I shy from the casual touch, it drains me if I don’t take care to block the entreaty of others. It should be one of the great delights of life, yet the potential for abuse of touch is so great. Touch through skin and touch through words, both have potential for greatness, both great creation and great destruction.
Love is available in every element, divine love in the metal. Worth of self, others, objects is highly scrutinized. Agony results from realizing that worthiness cannot be earned, it is inborn. It must be accessed and that takes risks. Is it the risk of failure that stays my hand from writing, speaking, interacting, or is it the fear of success? Even love needs to be pure, perfect, and deeper than the casual to be of value. The use of casual acquaintances or superficial loves has no place here. It is to the depths, to the death that I go in connection. “Many” is not useful, only the pure, refined, fire-tempered is worthy of connection and love.
The risk is so great in life that it cannot even be spoken. How do I guard the divine, keep it from the contamination of others, all the while allowing it to shine forth for the sake of the world? Yet, I am reminded of Shakespeare, “It is divinity that shapes our ends, rough hew them how we will.” I allow the divine in me to make the choices each day, life or death, connection or separation, value or junk.
It is the embodiment of the gift of the sensuous. Unlike fire which is about connection with others, metal is about connection with self and with the divine in all of us. It is about carnality, about the beast inside of each us. The P’o, the essential spirit of the metal element is all about carnal or sensual connection with oneself. Of course sex can be part of this connection, but for the most part it’s really about the experiences of the senses. Touch, taste, smell, sight, sound all interact with one another to create a picture of the universe.
The golden, flame-colored leaves in autumn are a gift to the senses and highlight what metal teaches. Walking through a copse of trees in late autumn is a joy to the senses. The brilliant colors mixed with the browns of the trunks and the dead leaves lining the path delight the eye. Each step heightens the sense of touch, even in shoes the feel of leaves crunching underfoot is a delight. The sound of the crack of dry twigs and crunch of leaves is music. The musty smell lingers on the back of the throat and provides the taste of decaying leaves. The crisp, cool air sends goosebumps along the skin, tingling and making me aware of being alive.
This is the most alive time of year. The knowledge that death is all around us creates a consciousness of life and the blessings it holds. As I walk in the cemetery on an October morning to visit the grave of my son, I notice the leaves as they dance from the trees to the ground. Even the trees must let go of that which they created and bore forth as life. I pass the large headstones and reflect on the lives of the adults who now repose below the cold earth. Nearing the area I seek, I see the possibility of agony. The headstones are tiny, many bearing only one date, the baby section. Do I wail and scream or do I realize that the divine spark in each of these tiny bodies was too great to be contained in the shell of human frailty? What connection do I choose?
Metal is about choice. Every day there is the choice to live or to die. It may be more apparent to someone who lives in this element as their home base, but it exists for all of us. Do I rise, face the world knowing that this fragile shell of humanity is not enough protection for the divine light within, or do I remain huddled in the warmth of the covers and shut out the imperfections of the world? Choice looms every morning, every evening. Do I decide to face one more day or do I choose to reunite with my true nature outside the body? Life or death, it is stark reality and a conscious choice.
I think the P’o is the nature of the metal element because it’s all that links us to this human form. Connection to the senses is what tempts us to remain within this fragile shell of life. Others ask “is there a God?” Those who dwell in this element do not need the questions, the answers are etched on our souls. For us, the question is, “How can I remain separated from the rest of my divine light for yet another day or year?” The presence of the divine is intuitive or experienced directly through that link the goes upward to God and downward through the earth and out the other side. I am the universe and shall always remain so, the sensuous is all that keeps me tied to this realm.
Touch, a sense that is directly experienced by so many so casually. For me, touch is the door to my soul. I hold back because the value of the connection to my soul is too great to allow it to be casually experienced. Touch me deeply and my soul sings, yet my life experience is not available for just anyone. I shy from the casual touch, it drains me if I don’t take care to block the entreaty of others. It should be one of the great delights of life, yet the potential for abuse of touch is so great. Touch through skin and touch through words, both have potential for greatness, both great creation and great destruction.
Love is available in every element, divine love in the metal. Worth of self, others, objects is highly scrutinized. Agony results from realizing that worthiness cannot be earned, it is inborn. It must be accessed and that takes risks. Is it the risk of failure that stays my hand from writing, speaking, interacting, or is it the fear of success? Even love needs to be pure, perfect, and deeper than the casual to be of value. The use of casual acquaintances or superficial loves has no place here. It is to the depths, to the death that I go in connection. “Many” is not useful, only the pure, refined, fire-tempered is worthy of connection and love.
The risk is so great in life that it cannot even be spoken. How do I guard the divine, keep it from the contamination of others, all the while allowing it to shine forth for the sake of the world? Yet, I am reminded of Shakespeare, “It is divinity that shapes our ends, rough hew them how we will.” I allow the divine in me to make the choices each day, life or death, connection or separation, value or junk.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
We walk away from our dreams afraid we may fail or even worse that we may succeed.
The statement was made by Sean Connery's character William Forrester in the movie finding Forrester. He was speaking to his young friend Jamaal Wallace at the time. This statement is incredibly profound while seeming to be so simple.
Whether mundane or profound everyone has a dream. Most of us tend not to pursue those dreams. It is often the fear of failing that begins the process of letting go of the dream. Too many times others have led us to believe that we are unable to fulfill our greatest wishes. So, we take that on. We accept the definition of ourselves that others give us.
There are times, and these are relatively frequent, that we fear success even more than failure. I have found for myself, that the fear of success is incredibly great. It stops me from doing things I know I'm capable of doing and therefore I refuse to take the steps necessary to achieve my dreams. One of my greatest dreams is to be a writer. Not just someone who writes a diary or journal but a published writer whose work is well known. I know I have the capacity to be such a writer, however my greatest fear is that I will write a book that will be well accepted and then what? I don't fear the initial success so much as I fear the requirement to repeat that success.
I haven't been able to show myself that I can achieve my goals. In so doing, I set myself up through fear of the possibility of great success. At that point I mentally and emotionally move away from what I'm doing. I don't want to look like an idiot for failing and at the same time I don't want to look at myself as needing to continue to fulfill expectations, either those of myself or of others.
Think of what you are capable. Dream the dreams that you had when you were younger or that you still possess if you're lucky. Then look, take a really hard look at yourself in the mirror. Do you like what you see? If the answer is yes you're well ahead of the game. For most of us the answer is no in some degree. It may be from a physical standpoint and more likely it is from a psychological standpoint that we find ourselves not liking the person in the mirror.
What is it about yourself that you do not like? What traits do you have that trip you up? Procrastination is one option. Lack of ability to plan and lack of ability to follow through are all so very high on the list. Often an individual will see him or herself differently than those around him or her. Many people have an inflated idea of themselves. The question is not so much what these traits are for you as how to overcome them.
I have found that the ideas and the traits that are embedded in my mind are the ones that control my destiny. I've read many self-help books and listened to many self-help programs to find ways to improve positive thinking and yet I find myself stuck in the same place. The questions of my ability, my worth and who I am haunt me constantly. For example, I met with a financial planner today. He was talking about setting up a retirement plan. My response was that I’m at an age that, having no retirement plan until now, means that I'm going to have to work until I die. Despite those books and CDs I still see myself as stuck in a certain place. I do not see a way out from the financial situation I've gotten myself into in life. My comment to him was “only if I win the lottery”.
I've begun to wonder whether individuals are actually trapped in their own nightmares or whether there is truly an escape hatch. Despite trying the positive thinking route I find myself making the same assumptions that I have in the past. Although I have made some incredible life changes over the last couple of years there are still certain basic assumptions about myself that I find difficult to let go. I don't know if this is true of other people, although I do see it in some.
Richard Bach wrote in his book Illusions: Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah, “Argue for your limitations and sure enough they're yours.” I can certainly see the reality of this statement and yet I am unsure of how to get past arguing for my own limitations. I wonder if the various traumas of life set a person up for his or her perceived limitations. Did the fact that my older sister always treated me as less than she contribute to my feelings of lack of worth? Or was it possibly my mother's clarity about her own lack of worth that led to how I feel about myself? Either of these is certainly possible. Another possibility is the various traumas that I've suffered throughout my life have led me to the expectation of less than I might have.
Some of my recent reading includes work on shamanism. One of the concepts is called soul retrieval. The idea is that through various life situations, especially traumas, pieces of a person's soul are lost. Only by retrieving those pieces can the person become whole again. I have no personal experience to either endorse or disprove this concept. It does raise a lot of questions though.
Although this seems to have wandered afar from the question I started with, I seriously believe they are quite related. Walking away from our dreams seems to be the human condition. I think this is especially true in Western cultures where material wealth is a measure of value. Too often a person looks at himself and his circumstances as measures of himself as a man (or woman). I grew up extremely poor and I still have the view of myself in that state. Even though my socioeconomic status has improved since childhood, I still feel myself as less valuable than those who make more money or have achieved a higher social status.
Those feelings, in my opinion, lead to the feeling that I almost need to climb a mountain to pursue my dreams. I do not see those dreams as coming with ease. I see a very high price for them although I couldn't tell you what that price would consist of at this point.
I have written a complete science fiction/fantasy novel. Despite the fact that it has been finished for some time I have not chosen to do anything with it. It sits in my computer waiting my ability to take it out and metaphorically dust it off. I figure the rejection that I might get in submitting it to a publisher or more likely to many publishers is too much to bear. At the same time I have a fear of it being accepted and then having that publisher and the potential readers looking to me to produce more. So it's not the success per se that concerns me as much as the need to reproduce those efforts if I were to succeed.
Both these fears inhibit me. I see it in others as well. Both the fear of rejection and failure and the fear of “what would they do if they succeeded?”. If the person can see beyond the concept of making a lot of money with something that they produced to the fact that they would need to continue producing there is a certain level of paralysis that accompanies that realization.
Dreams, however, die without being fed. At best they may hide in a corner like frightened children, unwilling to lift their heads can be seen. It takes strength to reassure those dreams and move forward with them. That movement is the difference between existence and truly living.
Whether mundane or profound everyone has a dream. Most of us tend not to pursue those dreams. It is often the fear of failing that begins the process of letting go of the dream. Too many times others have led us to believe that we are unable to fulfill our greatest wishes. So, we take that on. We accept the definition of ourselves that others give us.
There are times, and these are relatively frequent, that we fear success even more than failure. I have found for myself, that the fear of success is incredibly great. It stops me from doing things I know I'm capable of doing and therefore I refuse to take the steps necessary to achieve my dreams. One of my greatest dreams is to be a writer. Not just someone who writes a diary or journal but a published writer whose work is well known. I know I have the capacity to be such a writer, however my greatest fear is that I will write a book that will be well accepted and then what? I don't fear the initial success so much as I fear the requirement to repeat that success.
I haven't been able to show myself that I can achieve my goals. In so doing, I set myself up through fear of the possibility of great success. At that point I mentally and emotionally move away from what I'm doing. I don't want to look like an idiot for failing and at the same time I don't want to look at myself as needing to continue to fulfill expectations, either those of myself or of others.
Think of what you are capable. Dream the dreams that you had when you were younger or that you still possess if you're lucky. Then look, take a really hard look at yourself in the mirror. Do you like what you see? If the answer is yes you're well ahead of the game. For most of us the answer is no in some degree. It may be from a physical standpoint and more likely it is from a psychological standpoint that we find ourselves not liking the person in the mirror.
What is it about yourself that you do not like? What traits do you have that trip you up? Procrastination is one option. Lack of ability to plan and lack of ability to follow through are all so very high on the list. Often an individual will see him or herself differently than those around him or her. Many people have an inflated idea of themselves. The question is not so much what these traits are for you as how to overcome them.
I have found that the ideas and the traits that are embedded in my mind are the ones that control my destiny. I've read many self-help books and listened to many self-help programs to find ways to improve positive thinking and yet I find myself stuck in the same place. The questions of my ability, my worth and who I am haunt me constantly. For example, I met with a financial planner today. He was talking about setting up a retirement plan. My response was that I’m at an age that, having no retirement plan until now, means that I'm going to have to work until I die. Despite those books and CDs I still see myself as stuck in a certain place. I do not see a way out from the financial situation I've gotten myself into in life. My comment to him was “only if I win the lottery”.
I've begun to wonder whether individuals are actually trapped in their own nightmares or whether there is truly an escape hatch. Despite trying the positive thinking route I find myself making the same assumptions that I have in the past. Although I have made some incredible life changes over the last couple of years there are still certain basic assumptions about myself that I find difficult to let go. I don't know if this is true of other people, although I do see it in some.
Richard Bach wrote in his book Illusions: Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah, “Argue for your limitations and sure enough they're yours.” I can certainly see the reality of this statement and yet I am unsure of how to get past arguing for my own limitations. I wonder if the various traumas of life set a person up for his or her perceived limitations. Did the fact that my older sister always treated me as less than she contribute to my feelings of lack of worth? Or was it possibly my mother's clarity about her own lack of worth that led to how I feel about myself? Either of these is certainly possible. Another possibility is the various traumas that I've suffered throughout my life have led me to the expectation of less than I might have.
Some of my recent reading includes work on shamanism. One of the concepts is called soul retrieval. The idea is that through various life situations, especially traumas, pieces of a person's soul are lost. Only by retrieving those pieces can the person become whole again. I have no personal experience to either endorse or disprove this concept. It does raise a lot of questions though.
Although this seems to have wandered afar from the question I started with, I seriously believe they are quite related. Walking away from our dreams seems to be the human condition. I think this is especially true in Western cultures where material wealth is a measure of value. Too often a person looks at himself and his circumstances as measures of himself as a man (or woman). I grew up extremely poor and I still have the view of myself in that state. Even though my socioeconomic status has improved since childhood, I still feel myself as less valuable than those who make more money or have achieved a higher social status.
Those feelings, in my opinion, lead to the feeling that I almost need to climb a mountain to pursue my dreams. I do not see those dreams as coming with ease. I see a very high price for them although I couldn't tell you what that price would consist of at this point.
I have written a complete science fiction/fantasy novel. Despite the fact that it has been finished for some time I have not chosen to do anything with it. It sits in my computer waiting my ability to take it out and metaphorically dust it off. I figure the rejection that I might get in submitting it to a publisher or more likely to many publishers is too much to bear. At the same time I have a fear of it being accepted and then having that publisher and the potential readers looking to me to produce more. So it's not the success per se that concerns me as much as the need to reproduce those efforts if I were to succeed.
Both these fears inhibit me. I see it in others as well. Both the fear of rejection and failure and the fear of “what would they do if they succeeded?”. If the person can see beyond the concept of making a lot of money with something that they produced to the fact that they would need to continue producing there is a certain level of paralysis that accompanies that realization.
Dreams, however, die without being fed. At best they may hide in a corner like frightened children, unwilling to lift their heads can be seen. It takes strength to reassure those dreams and move forward with them. That movement is the difference between existence and truly living.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Bow To What Is
At the center of the labyrinth, as the chimes rang 4 o’clock, I allowed the energy of that space to wash over me. The cold wind was whipping the leaves across the path and I shivered. My coat was pulled tight and my gloved hands reached up to the sky to take in the fading rays of light.
After making a complete circle, pausing at each of the directions, I faced the building once again and bowed. In my mind was the awareness that I was bowing to “What Is,” allowing myself to have an acceptance of that which exists. For the moment I was serene with that acceptance, allowing my chest to expand and to breathe in the essence of that acceptance. Despite the chill air, I felt a warmth spread through my chest.
Later, with my mind engaged again, I began to question the concept, as I am wont to do. What does it mean to bow to what is? Deep in my being a voice cries out for something better, different. In order to bow to what is do I need to silence that voice? How can I bow to what is, accept less than what could be, less than perfect? For me to be able to live in this world, there needs to be some possibility that life can be better than what it has been until now.
Who am I to say that something has to be different, that change must occur? What power do I hold? Yet, I do hold the power of my own life in my hands. So, how do I choose to bow to what is, to accept that which has gone before and not give in to despair?
Few of the details of my life are as I would have chosen had I been given a choice. Yet, they exist, as do I. They are done and cannot be changed, yet by bowing to those experiences or situations am I saying that I accept what they represent? I have been told that the past does not equal the future, and while that may be true, it does indeed influence the future.
The realization that bowing to what is creates a way to let go of the anger or upset about circumstances is helpful. It still provides me with questions about the purpose of letting go of those feelings. For example, if something negative happened like the death of a child, how does letting go of the feelings of anger or sadness really help? The life circumstance cannot be changed yet do the feelings not serve a purpose? If that child was killed in street violence, for example, do not the anger and outrage actually serve a purpose—to work to change the situation that created it?
If human beings all bow to what is there might be a lessening of violence because acts of revenge for past hurts would not happen. On the other hand, what about social justice, rights of the oppressed, etc.? No one would spend time working for those causes because they had chosen to bow to what is, to let go of the negative emotions attached to the situations.
In standing in that scalloped circle at the center of the labyrinth, bowing to what is, was I being true to myself? Did that one act of momentary acceptance create a different neural pathway in my brain, did it allow me to view the world and my life differently? My immediate response would be no, yet something did shift, if only momentarily. I stood listening to the dry, brown leaves blow in the wind and realized that in a sense we all blow in the winds of life. Just a moment of change, but there were possibilities in that moment.
After making a complete circle, pausing at each of the directions, I faced the building once again and bowed. In my mind was the awareness that I was bowing to “What Is,” allowing myself to have an acceptance of that which exists. For the moment I was serene with that acceptance, allowing my chest to expand and to breathe in the essence of that acceptance. Despite the chill air, I felt a warmth spread through my chest.
Later, with my mind engaged again, I began to question the concept, as I am wont to do. What does it mean to bow to what is? Deep in my being a voice cries out for something better, different. In order to bow to what is do I need to silence that voice? How can I bow to what is, accept less than what could be, less than perfect? For me to be able to live in this world, there needs to be some possibility that life can be better than what it has been until now.
Who am I to say that something has to be different, that change must occur? What power do I hold? Yet, I do hold the power of my own life in my hands. So, how do I choose to bow to what is, to accept that which has gone before and not give in to despair?
Few of the details of my life are as I would have chosen had I been given a choice. Yet, they exist, as do I. They are done and cannot be changed, yet by bowing to those experiences or situations am I saying that I accept what they represent? I have been told that the past does not equal the future, and while that may be true, it does indeed influence the future.
The realization that bowing to what is creates a way to let go of the anger or upset about circumstances is helpful. It still provides me with questions about the purpose of letting go of those feelings. For example, if something negative happened like the death of a child, how does letting go of the feelings of anger or sadness really help? The life circumstance cannot be changed yet do the feelings not serve a purpose? If that child was killed in street violence, for example, do not the anger and outrage actually serve a purpose—to work to change the situation that created it?
If human beings all bow to what is there might be a lessening of violence because acts of revenge for past hurts would not happen. On the other hand, what about social justice, rights of the oppressed, etc.? No one would spend time working for those causes because they had chosen to bow to what is, to let go of the negative emotions attached to the situations.
In standing in that scalloped circle at the center of the labyrinth, bowing to what is, was I being true to myself? Did that one act of momentary acceptance create a different neural pathway in my brain, did it allow me to view the world and my life differently? My immediate response would be no, yet something did shift, if only momentarily. I stood listening to the dry, brown leaves blow in the wind and realized that in a sense we all blow in the winds of life. Just a moment of change, but there were possibilities in that moment.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)