The statement was made by Sean Connery's character William Forrester in the movie finding Forrester. He was speaking to his young friend Jamaal Wallace at the time. This statement is incredibly profound while seeming to be so simple.
Whether mundane or profound everyone has a dream. Most of us tend not to pursue those dreams. It is often the fear of failing that begins the process of letting go of the dream. Too many times others have led us to believe that we are unable to fulfill our greatest wishes. So, we take that on. We accept the definition of ourselves that others give us.
There are times, and these are relatively frequent, that we fear success even more than failure. I have found for myself, that the fear of success is incredibly great. It stops me from doing things I know I'm capable of doing and therefore I refuse to take the steps necessary to achieve my dreams. One of my greatest dreams is to be a writer. Not just someone who writes a diary or journal but a published writer whose work is well known. I know I have the capacity to be such a writer, however my greatest fear is that I will write a book that will be well accepted and then what? I don't fear the initial success so much as I fear the requirement to repeat that success.
I haven't been able to show myself that I can achieve my goals. In so doing, I set myself up through fear of the possibility of great success. At that point I mentally and emotionally move away from what I'm doing. I don't want to look like an idiot for failing and at the same time I don't want to look at myself as needing to continue to fulfill expectations, either those of myself or of others.
Think of what you are capable. Dream the dreams that you had when you were younger or that you still possess if you're lucky. Then look, take a really hard look at yourself in the mirror. Do you like what you see? If the answer is yes you're well ahead of the game. For most of us the answer is no in some degree. It may be from a physical standpoint and more likely it is from a psychological standpoint that we find ourselves not liking the person in the mirror.
What is it about yourself that you do not like? What traits do you have that trip you up? Procrastination is one option. Lack of ability to plan and lack of ability to follow through are all so very high on the list. Often an individual will see him or herself differently than those around him or her. Many people have an inflated idea of themselves. The question is not so much what these traits are for you as how to overcome them.
I have found that the ideas and the traits that are embedded in my mind are the ones that control my destiny. I've read many self-help books and listened to many self-help programs to find ways to improve positive thinking and yet I find myself stuck in the same place. The questions of my ability, my worth and who I am haunt me constantly. For example, I met with a financial planner today. He was talking about setting up a retirement plan. My response was that I’m at an age that, having no retirement plan until now, means that I'm going to have to work until I die. Despite those books and CDs I still see myself as stuck in a certain place. I do not see a way out from the financial situation I've gotten myself into in life. My comment to him was “only if I win the lottery”.
I've begun to wonder whether individuals are actually trapped in their own nightmares or whether there is truly an escape hatch. Despite trying the positive thinking route I find myself making the same assumptions that I have in the past. Although I have made some incredible life changes over the last couple of years there are still certain basic assumptions about myself that I find difficult to let go. I don't know if this is true of other people, although I do see it in some.
Richard Bach wrote in his book Illusions: Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah, “Argue for your limitations and sure enough they're yours.” I can certainly see the reality of this statement and yet I am unsure of how to get past arguing for my own limitations. I wonder if the various traumas of life set a person up for his or her perceived limitations. Did the fact that my older sister always treated me as less than she contribute to my feelings of lack of worth? Or was it possibly my mother's clarity about her own lack of worth that led to how I feel about myself? Either of these is certainly possible. Another possibility is the various traumas that I've suffered throughout my life have led me to the expectation of less than I might have.
Some of my recent reading includes work on shamanism. One of the concepts is called soul retrieval. The idea is that through various life situations, especially traumas, pieces of a person's soul are lost. Only by retrieving those pieces can the person become whole again. I have no personal experience to either endorse or disprove this concept. It does raise a lot of questions though.
Although this seems to have wandered afar from the question I started with, I seriously believe they are quite related. Walking away from our dreams seems to be the human condition. I think this is especially true in Western cultures where material wealth is a measure of value. Too often a person looks at himself and his circumstances as measures of himself as a man (or woman). I grew up extremely poor and I still have the view of myself in that state. Even though my socioeconomic status has improved since childhood, I still feel myself as less valuable than those who make more money or have achieved a higher social status.
Those feelings, in my opinion, lead to the feeling that I almost need to climb a mountain to pursue my dreams. I do not see those dreams as coming with ease. I see a very high price for them although I couldn't tell you what that price would consist of at this point.
I have written a complete science fiction/fantasy novel. Despite the fact that it has been finished for some time I have not chosen to do anything with it. It sits in my computer waiting my ability to take it out and metaphorically dust it off. I figure the rejection that I might get in submitting it to a publisher or more likely to many publishers is too much to bear. At the same time I have a fear of it being accepted and then having that publisher and the potential readers looking to me to produce more. So it's not the success per se that concerns me as much as the need to reproduce those efforts if I were to succeed.
Both these fears inhibit me. I see it in others as well. Both the fear of rejection and failure and the fear of “what would they do if they succeeded?”. If the person can see beyond the concept of making a lot of money with something that they produced to the fact that they would need to continue producing there is a certain level of paralysis that accompanies that realization.
Dreams, however, die without being fed. At best they may hide in a corner like frightened children, unwilling to lift their heads can be seen. It takes strength to reassure those dreams and move forward with them. That movement is the difference between existence and truly living.
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